The Reason
by Sapphire2309
Summary: Alex is nostalgic, but trying to snap out of it. He talks to Jack. Occurs sometime during my fic Unwelcome Stranger  a future chapter . You don't need to read it to understand, but an OC from that story is mentioned. Rated T because I'm paranoid. Songfic.


DISCLAIMER - I don't own Alex Rider. I don't own The Reason (the song). They belong to Anthony Horowitz and Hoobastank respectively.

- The Reason -

_I'm not a perfect person__  
><em>_There's many things I wish I didn't do_

I've done so much that hurt you, Jack. I wish I hadn't succumbed to MI6's blackmail. I wish I hadn't fought with you, even when you tried to clean up my room. I wish I hadn't agreed when you said you'd come to Cairo with me. I wish I hadn't left you alone in the flat when I went to meet Smithers before leaving Cairo. I wish I'd warned you against breaking out of the prison cell at the fort the way you did. I wish I was a time traveler, so I could fix everything and bring you back. But I can't.

_But I continue learning__  
><em>_I never meant to do those things to you_

I never meant to leave you alone when I took off to King's Road with Tom and James. I never meant to hurt you. But that doesn't change the fact that I did. Nothing can change that, Jack. Not even this realization.

_And so I have to say before I go__  
><em>_That I just want you to know_

_I've found a reason for me_  
><em>To change who I used to be<em>  
><em>A reason to start over new<em>  
><em>and the reason is you<em>

_I'm sorry that I hurt you__  
><em>_It's something I must live with everyday_

I'm sorry I let you be taken by Razim. I'm sorry I let his guards touch you, forget hurt you. I'm sorry I never had the chance to kick their asses in person. Unit 777 and CIA agents did that for me. I'm sorry I let you suffer because I'm a spy. But I know I can't give up spying yet, not even for you.

_And all the pain I put you through__  
><em>_I wish that I could take it all away_

I wish I could do something to change what happened to you. I wish I could take away the pain you felt because of the explosive, because of MI6, because of SCORPIA, because of me. But there are some things no one can do. Seeing the future and traveling through time are two of them.

_And be the one who catches all your tears__  
><em>_That's why I need you to hear_

I wish I could be there to wipe off every single tear from your face. I need to be able to say 'death' and 'Jack' in the same sentence without crying. I need to move on. I need you to hear me, Jack. I need you to listen and help.

_I've found a reason for me__  
><em>_To change who I used to be__  
><em>_A reason to start over new__  
><em>_and the reason is You__  
><em>_and the reason is You_

_and the reason is You_

_and the reason is You_

Staying awake tonight helped. I thought over everything that happened before and after Cairo. I know you'd say I'm dwelling on the past, but I need to do this. I need to understand that what happened to you happened. I need to move on, Jack. I need to snap out of the blackmailed, reluctant spy that MI6 used and abused. I need to make sure you're resting in peace, Jack, not worrying about me. I need to show you that I can handle this.

It's only because of you that I've been able to think this through. You helped me bite this problem down to size without having so much in my mouth that I choke. Thanks for being there for me, even when you're gone.

_I'm not a perfect person__  
><em>_I never meant to do those things to you__  
><em>_And so I have to say before I go__  
><em>_That I just want you to know_

I hope you help me through times like these, when I don't know what's going on or what I should do. I hope you stay with me while I need you, Jack. I hope you help me help everyone around me. I hope you don't mind my relationship with Sabina. You are my guardian, after all.

_I've found a reason for me__  
><em>_To change who I used to be__  
><em>_A reason to start over new__  
><em>_and the reason is you__  
><em>_I've found a reason to show__  
><em>_A side of me you didn't know__  
><em>_A reason for all that I do__  
><em>_And the reason is you_

I've found a reason to go on with my life. I've found that I don't need to work with MI6 to kick SCORPIA ass. I've found a reason to be the teenage spy and be happy at the same time. It's you, Jack. If you had never been there, I'd never be able to find myself. Thank you, Jack. For everything. Even the recipe for your 8 ½ minute scrambled eggs. Sabina loves them.

-:-

So, what did you think? Good? Terrible? Let me know!


End file.
